You see her peek around behind

She is looking and she will find

All the fear that loves to live

Inside your mind so that you give

Into the lies she loves to tell

and the panic you know so well

She sneaks in, she controls you

You know just what she will do

She will show her nasty face

all red and sad, she’ll try to erase

The great relationships in your now

It doesn’t seem to matter how

You try and make her go away

She is there and she will stay

That girl comes at the very worst times

She reminds you of the crimes

That happened so very long ago

Memories of the way he’d show

You not to trust a single soul

and that life has a dark-deep hole

That little girl you’ve grown to hate

That was your past, your unfortunate fate

You look at her tiny face

and wish you could just erase

Daunting reminders of the past

No matter what you try, they last

She steals and darkens the beauty of now

and it doesn’t really matter how

You try to keep that girl away

She comes back and begins to play

With all her scary and terrible toys

That rob you now of all life’s joys

You scream at her and make her feel

Lost and scared and much more real.

She looks at you with watery eyes

and says, I’m here, no matter what you try

This cycle keeps on repeating

and you feel like she is defeating

All of the strength that you just found

When you turned your life around

Whispers from deep inside your soul

a prayer of strength and God’s Control

You open your eyes, see all things new

Answers for what you now must do.

You’re going about this all so wrong 

don’t you know that she belongs

She’s part of you, you need to accept

She needs comfort, do not reject

put her inside a gentle hand

Do not accuse or reprimand

you need to look at her and say

You are loved.  You are okay.

I take a minute and sit down

On my face was once a frown

and then I pray and ask for grace.

Now a smile forms on my face

I am HIS and I am grown

and I made it through all she’s known

I didn’t deserve what was done

but it’s okay, my race is won.

I look upon my own hands

Where that little girl now stands

I hold that little girl so close

and tell her things that matter most

Please, don’t come here and think your lost

cause I found Faith, He died on a cross

He gave me hope, so don’t be scared

Next time I see you I’ll be prepared

I won’t yell and I won’t scream

I’ll remember what you mean

and you are important cause without you

I might not be a Christian now, yes, it’s true

I’m thankful for you, so you are okay

Don’t worry dear, I will pray

that when you come back to me again

I’ll be ready, and I won’t pretend

that you’re not real, now you exist

In a healthy place, I won’t resist

the little girl, so sad and scared

is okay now, she is prepared

to live within a Christian heart

and Life with Him is a fresh new start!

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God has a reason for everything.  It doesn’t matter how bad it is.  Life is a path with really big-highs and super low-lows.  The things that happened to me when I was little are so foggy, and I’m really thankful for that.  God has control now.

Let me tell you about my journey.

I know that I am here for a reason.  I get a second chance.  HE gives me HOPE and a FUTURE.

Jeremiah 19:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When I feel lost and alone I picture the Footprints Poem.  He is always with us, He never leaves us, He loves us with the only perfect love in existence.

A couple of years ago I read the book by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.  I had a really unhealthy pattern of thought throughout my 20s.  I would become overcome with thoughts of my past and then crippled with adrenaline rushes.  My therapist told me that my adrenaline addiction was super unhealthy for my heart and I was slowly killing myself if I didn’t get it under control.  What?! That shocked me into a state of: I HAVE TO CHANGE!

She told me to read The Power Of NOW.  I devoured the words of that book with a desperation to find answers so change my life.  I knew I could not keep going the way I was.  It was like Tolle knew me, and he sat down and wrote the book just for me.  His book gave me the tools I needed to embrace my relationship with God in a very powerful way.  I had no idea that I could control my THOUGHTS!  Thank you, Eckhart Tolle.

So, after learning that I could control my thoughts, that they were not something I had to be SUBJECT to, I started noticing an awesome change.  I became a new woman, a stronger woman and realized that I had the power to control my mind!

The rambling thoughts were not my reality, the thoughts were not my own, but a dialogue of sin, directly from Satan!  I can harness those weak thoughts now with the strength I have practiced and repeated time and time again.  I have God now and I have new habits and new patterns.  I identify my past as a hurting little girl, not a scary tormenting cloud of fear that it used to be.  She just needs comfort and love.

God gives my broken heart so much comfort.  There are things in this sinful world that we as humans will never fully understand.  With God as captain of my ship, I have unspoken comfort and a presence of His eternal love.  When I hurt, I hate talking.  I feel great comfort that I can be alone with God and I don’t need to talk, He hears my heart.

If things in your past hurt you, or you are ashamed of things in your past, things that were not your fault, I want you to know that I hear you, I empathize, and you are not alone.  It’s a really lonely life when you have been abused.  You are okay, it wasn’t your fault and you can heal with faith.  It is the only answer.

Dear Lord, I pray for continual healing.  I pray for the people out there that have suffered like I did.  Only you know the answers, and only you know our true hearts.  You are here, holding us when we hurt and healing us when there are no answers.  Please let us stop searching for answers and start searching for you, craving your love and let us feel your presence when the torment comes to rob our present.  I love you with my whole heart.  Thank you for our relationship.  Thank you for being the perfect father.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

God is so good.  All the time.  I rejoice because today is a brand new day.  Everyday I get better, I get to practice new healthy ideas, learn from friends and I get another day to love the LORD.  God bless you all!

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 18:10

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.

Psalm 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Nehemiah 8:10

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.