The sanctification of the spirit is so exciting and refreshing. It allows us to journey with Jesus in such a special way. Understanding and wisdom are there for the taking – it’s a simple believe + ask = receive equation. Jesus says time and again, if you ask, and if it is my will, you will receive.

This is my confession – I am struggling with what my flesh desires that is what I should not do. Temptations explode all around me and I willfully succumb. I love food. All the foods I should not be eating – and when I eat that food, it makes me sleepy and dumb.

At church we are being taught about the flesh and the battle the flesh has with the soul. It makes so much sense that my soul is the premier part of who I am – and now that I am saved, the Holy Spirit is more powerful than both, but free-will takes the cake every time.

Understanding that my flesh wants me to lose, and my soul – who is eternal, wants me to win – and knowing that all I have been doing is losing lately is so exciting. I have the answer now. I have Jesus and I can and have fully surrendered this struggle to Him.

I was unaware that this was my issue. My flesh wants to die. My flesh wants me to be sick and miserable so that I can’t do the work of the Lord properly or effectively. So it makes me crave crap, so that I feel like the crap I eat. It made no sense but now it makes so much sense.

Of course my sinful flesh would want to make me suffer. It is the battle of all ages. The struggle is inside me, not outside me. I have the armor of God that I can equip myself with each day. I surrender this struggle to God, very humbly. Telling Him that I failed. I can’t win this war without Him. HE needs to be my champion, because I am weak when my flesh tells me to do the wrong thing. I obey the flesh, not my Jesus, and this disobedience is a bad habit that I need His help to break.

Free-will is never going to go away – I know this to be true. Jesus will always give me an option to choose. But I surrender when it comes to the stuff I really need help with. And in that surrender, I pray that the Holy Spirit speaks loudly. Please speak louder than my flesh Jesus! Please come and crush the desires that make me weak and pathetic. Please help me build up strong character inside that is absolutely contagious.

I trust that the 138 number will help me see that the pain will go away slowly and naturally. It will be so rewarding to watch the pain surrender to the power of my Jesus. Pain will be released from the chains that I have bound to myself. Pain doesn’t want to live here inside my body. It keeps whispering Jesus’ name. “Please listen to him”, it sweetly whispers. Pain is not my enemy, but a sweet reminder to listen. If I don’t listen pain comes and reminds me to surrender. Thank you Jesus for my pain, please help me let my flesh get weaker and let my faith in you grow stronger.

Help the number go down. I see the 138 – I give it to you. You can make this lower. You can take my pain and release me from that disciplinary conversation. Only You can give me the peace that surpasses all understanding when I keep my heart and my mind focused on you. When I feel tempted I will simply say – thank you – I will remember your suffering on the cross. I will speak your name, and be so submissive and I will see that your power far surpasses all the attempts I have made in the past to ignore the pain in anger and futility. Trying to live with pain is insane, and goes against wisdom and power of a life in full surrender to You. You alone can fight this battle and I surrender it all to you Lord.

You are the author and the finisher of my faith. This walk with you is SO exciting and wonderful. I am pumped to see what you do with this next layer of surrender Lord. Praise your wonderful and Holy Name!