A flux in the pattern does not mean that I am not on the right path. Healthy growth sees a staggering line towards the goal. Any good investor knows that. My investment is in Jesus, not me. I know that the path I am taking is a fully dependent one. In honesty and humble submissive attitude and kinda embarrassed, I came to you Jesus and let my heart be poured out. “I can’t do this.”

I am in pain and I know that you are telling me that I am making the wrong decisions. I need you Jesus to take the reigns. I need this to be a life-long commitment and not just a fleeting moment of flighty change. It was daunting yesterday – a looming darkness or a cloud that weighed heavy on me. I starting thinking again, that I had to do this. The darkness was the flesh – always deceiving me, always trying to murder the thing it can take.

The darkness knows that it cannot have my soul – which is fused with the power of Jesus, but it can have my flesh, my temporary temple. This war is constantly raging and the moment that I think this battle is my own, I lose.

David and Goliath. That’s what I read in my Bible today. The age old Sunday School lesson that every child loves. The little guy wins. With a slingshot and a stone. That’s the highlight as a child, but for me, today, the highlight was the map.

Yup. David had a map. He had a well versed, well studied history book of faith. He was young and wild and free in the wilderness taking care of his father’s sheep. He had never lost a battle. In the eyes of a child who had killed multiple bears and lions with his own two hands, he knew that failure was not an option. You see? He wasn’t blind and stupid. He had a solid-built resume of situations that proved time and again – he could not fail. He knew God. He knew God because of his circumstances. He had been delivered. He did not take the credit either. He knew. He knew that the ability to defeat and kill the most intense of all wild creatures was not his own, but belonged to God. He never took credit. He gave it away to the ONE who deserved it.

Humble.

There is so much wisdom and power in humility. Not ever taking credit for anything, but giving it away. Giving the credit where it is due. It is Jesus alone who deserves the credit for anything wonderful. It is Him alone who designs the outcome if it is beautiful.

You Lord, are worthy. You alone can take the balled-up mess that I have created in this gift and you alone can make it smooth. This time in such a different way too. Seeking You first, and YOUR righteousness and then the things will fall into place where they should be. Building blocks that fall into the right pattern of faithfulness. You see that pattern for my life Lord, I can’t see a thing. I surrender.

Help me Lord, Help me see you like David did. Remove the inhibitions that hold me down. Let me be light, receiving and ready to act how you direct me. Let me be a smooth stone, not a stumbling block. Let me be kind, and loving and more like you every day. Let this healing moment restore more of me than I am asking for. Let it be from the inside out and let the pain whisper your love for me. It is always a whisper of love.

Loving means telling and saying the hard things. Help me receive it well to the glory of You my Father. Let my actions speak my love for you. Help me be still and know that You are God and then please do the rest Lord. I surrender all.