You see her peek around behind
She is looking and she will find
All the fear that loves to live
Inside your mind so that you give
Into the lies she loves to tell
and the panic you know so well
She sneaks in, she controls you
You know just what she will do
She will show her nasty face
all red and sad, she’ll try to erase
The great relationships in your now
It doesn’t seem to matter how
You try and make her go away
She is there and she will stay
That girl comes at the very worst times
She reminds you of the crimes
That happened so very long ago
Memories of the way he’d show
You not to trust a single soul
and that life has a dark-deep hole
That little girl you’ve grown to hate
That was your past, your unfortunate fate
You look at her tiny face
and wish you could just erase
Daunting reminders of the past
No matter what you try, they last
She steals and darkens the beauty of now
and it doesn’t really matter how
You try to keep that girl away
She comes back and begins to play
With all her scary and terrible toys
That rob you now of all life’s joys
You scream at her and make her feel
Lost and scared and much more real.
She looks at you with watery eyes
and says, I’m here, no matter what you try
This cycle keeps on repeating
and you feel like she is defeating
All of the strength that you just found
When you turned your life around
Whispers from deep inside your soul
a prayer of strength and God’s Control
You open your eyes, see all things new
Answers for what you now must do.
You’re going about this all so wrong
don’t you know that she belongs
She’s part of you, you need to accept
She needs comfort, do not reject
put her inside a gentle hand
Do not accuse or reprimand
you need to look at her and say
You are loved. You are okay.
I take a minute and sit down
On my face was once a frown
and then I pray and ask for grace.
Now a smile forms on my face
I am HIS and I am grown
and I made it through all she’s known
I didn’t deserve what was done
but it’s okay, my race is won.
I look upon my own hands
Where that little girl now stands
I hold that little girl so close
and tell her things that matter most
Please, don’t come here and think your lost
cause I found Faith, He died on a cross
He gave me hope, so don’t be scared
Next time I see you I’ll be prepared
I won’t yell and I won’t scream
I’ll remember what you mean
and you are important cause without you
I might not be a Christian now, yes, it’s true
I’m thankful for you, so you are okay
Don’t worry dear, I will pray
that when you come back to me again
I’ll be ready, and I won’t pretend
that you’re not real, now you exist
In a healthy place, I won’t resist
the little girl, so sad and scared
is okay now, she is prepared
to live within a Christian heart
and Life with Him is a fresh new start!
God has a reason for everything. It doesn’t matter how bad it is. Life is a path with really big-highs and super low-lows. The things that happened to me when I was little are so foggy, and I’m really thankful for that. God has control now.
Let me tell you about my journey.
I know that I am here for a reason. I get a second chance. HE gives me HOPE and a FUTURE.
Jeremiah 19:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
When I feel lost and alone I picture the Footprints Poem. He is always with us, He never leaves us, He loves us with the only perfect love in existence.
A couple of years ago I read the book by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. I had a really unhealthy pattern of thought throughout my 20s. I would become overcome with thoughts of my past and then crippled with adrenaline rushes. My therapist told me that my adrenaline addiction was super unhealthy for my heart and I was slowly killing myself if I didn’t get it under control. What?! That shocked me into a state of: I HAVE TO CHANGE!
She told me to read The Power Of NOW. I devoured the words of that book with a desperation to find answers so change my life. I knew I could not keep going the way I was. I felt like every single word in that book was written for me. It was like Tolle knew me, and he sat down and wrote the book just for me. His book gave me the tools I needed to embrace my relationship with God in a very powerful way. I had no idea that I could control my THOUGHTS! Thank you Eckhart Tolle.
So, after learning that I could control my thoughts and they were not something I had to be SUBJECT to, I started noticing an awesome change. I became a new woman, a stronger woman and realized that I had the power to control my mind!
The rambling thoughts were not my reality, the thoughts were not my own, but a dialogue of sin, directly from Satan! I can harness those weak thoughts now with the strength I have practiced and repeated time and time again. I have God now and I have new habits and new patterns. I identify my past as a hurting little girl, not a scary tormenting cloud of fear that it used to be. She just needs comfort and love.
God gives my broken heart so much comfort. There are things in this sinful world that we as humans will never fully understand. With God as captain of my ship, I have unspoken comfort and a presence of His eternal love. When I hurt, I hate talking. I feel great comfort that I can be alone with God and I don’t need to talk, He hears my heart.
If things in your past hurt you, or you are ashamed of things in your past, things that were not your fault, I want you to know that I hear you, I empathize, and you are not alone. It’s a really lonely life when you have been abused. You are okay, it wasn’t your fault and you can heal with faith. It is the only answer.
Dear Lord, I pray for continual healing. I pray for the people out there that have suffered like I did. Only you know the answers, and only you know our true hearts. You are here, holding us when we hurt and healing us when there are no answers. Please let us stop searching for answers and start searching for you, craving your love and let us feel your presence when the torment comes to rob our present. I love you with my whole heart. Thank you for our relationship. Thank you for being the perfect father. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
God is so good. All the time. I rejoice because today is a brand new day. Everyday I get better, I get to practice new healthy ideas, learn from friends and I get another day to love the LORD. God bless you all!
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.