about me, Christian Mom, family, music, parenting, rhyme

Angry Power

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Angry power

sits inside

if they are scared

then I abide

at the top

the frightening role

people scared

I take a tole

I steal their safe

thief away

comfort, joy

and simply play…

A vocal bully

that didn’t grow up

just grew louder

a bigger cup

bigger pants

for mean to fill

angry me

this only will

push away

become my norm

fear inside

is a continual storm

it rages here

inside my heart

and it explodes

with a scary start

if I don’t sit

on this throne here

I get walked on

and so I fear.

Fear will thrive

inside this sick

rage and storms

the devil’s wick

He lights it fast

the rush I feel

addiction to

the power I steal

yet, it’s not power

it’s happy and safe

that’s what angry

can easily erase

I walk around

stealing trust

robbing others

of what I must

to stay on top

for ego’s toy

my anger is

a scary kill-joy

Make the day

of those I know

become so blue

man, what a blow.

 

 

I need to change

my attitude

shut my mouth

stop all the rude

learn to speak

in a powerful way

yet, not get angry

and let mad say

hurtful words

and angry blasts

These aren’t as strong

as words that last

make people think

about themselves

not pointing fingers

and causing swells

smart words spoken

with Godly intent

erase the angry

diffuse the vent

I’ll focus on smart

and intelligent speak

instead of rage

that makes me weak

 

promises made

from an sad heart

anger gives power

to an abused part

of my past

that lives inside

talking about it

helps my stride

and lets me grow

a little bit

so I don’t continue

as a little shit.

 


 

Need I say more?  I suffer with anger.  I learned well from someone so close to me as I was growing up.  If people are scared of me, they will respect me, right?  WRONG.  All people will do is learn to fear you and push you away as soon as they possibly can and you will live alone on an island of loneliness.  True.

Fear is a powerful tool.  It teaches you not to touch knives, not to burn your fingers on a stove, not to jump off something too high, and not to associate with angry people.  Anger is very scary.  It’s explosive, abusive and down-right wrong.  I suffer with so much anger inside and succumb to it’s power way too often.

I shouldn’t fly off the handle at customer service on the phone after being on hold for 3 hours, 5 hang ups and repeating myself for the upteenth time.  Even though I might be entitled to my anger, it doesn’t make things better, just worse.  Fault is perspective and perspective is subjective.  It is not okay to assume that you are right at all times, that is Ego talking and Ego is the Worlds Greatest Liar.

It is not okay for me to think that at the age of 38 that I have life “all figured out”.  That I am so wise and everyone should listen to me.  I shouldn’t impose what I think is “right” on the lives and journeys of others.  The path and outcome of every individual is really their own, that’s the definition of free will.  I need to back off some and not be so intrusive.

Imagine stepping into a television series that has 14 seasons, you start watching at season 6.  Wouldn’t you have a ton of questions?  What’s going on?  Who is that character?  What is the background?  What is the setting?  Why are they saying things like that?  Isn’t that a simple picture of relationships?  Isn’t that a quaint picture of engaging with others.

Forming a reactive opinion when stepping into season 6, is that smart?  Forgive me, but isn’t that more of a haughty and silly, subjective and intrusive thought and reaction?  Shouldn’t we be more careful when we react and allow emotion to take over?  Maybe we need to ask questions, try to see more of the full picture.  Allow people to give information before we fly off the handle.

We have no idea what happened in their previous 6 seasons.  We only have our perspective on the current view.  A tiny clip of their full movie.  I am going to remember to be careful and tread lightly when pointing fingers, getting angry and exploding without all the information.

I find it so interesting how questions can diffuse a situation.  Anger craves control.  Control is best achieved with solid information.  Allowing your audience to give you information through calculated questioning is a great way to achieve a healthy conclusion.

It’s tough to be a mom of two children, patience is something that I wish I had more of.  Sometimes when the munchkins are on my last nerve, I explode in a rage.  I yell and I feel frustration.  I remember how unnerved I felt as a child when I would get yelled at.  The world is not out to get me anymore.  I am safe.

I feel so much more in control and safe when I ask the kids questions.  Diffuse their crazy with some diversions, great questions and allow them to see the same thing that I am seeing OR, they help me see something I didn’t see!!!!!  right?!

Back to the issue of Me.  Sometimes I feel unsafe, and that is where my anger comes from.  Yet, every single time, being angry about it did NOTHING for me or for others, it just made things worse.

I need to focus on intelligent talk, words that make a change, make an impact, instead of words that steal safety.  Safety is the only thing I desire in my life.  The ONLY THING.  I repeat it over and over to my children.

If they are scared or hurt, this is what I say – “You are safe, you are okay, I am right here.  I am not leaving you.  You are safe.  I love you.”

If they attempt something dangerous or hurt someone – “What is my most important job?  Keeping you safe. We are a team and I can’t keep you safe if you won’t work with me.  I need your help.  Will you help me keep you safe?”

It is not okay for me to perpetuate the problems imposed on me by others.  I am way too smart for that.  I need to focus on reading the situation, formulating solutions and implementing my strategies.  I have always been excellent at that.  Power comes from controlling in an intelligent manner.  I want to focus on asking questions, allowing the person that is disrupting my joy to come to the conclusions that I are already aware of and achieving it all in a very calm manner.

Power comes from overcoming obstacles in life with a calculated and controlled mind.  A chaotic and angry stance is clouded, brash, and unintelligent.  Words spoken from Ego are stupid and irrational.  Adrenaline is a chemical that is meant for explosive rescue power.  Picture Hulk.  Do you think he sounds intelligent?  Now I am going to apply the words of Hulk upon me when I am angry.  I look like a foolish, green, scary monster.  Those I engage with as “The Hulk” shake their heads, feel fear and walk away.  Then, I lose respect, and become just another irrational person in their dirty-laundry list of life.

Yet, I am not The Hulk.  I am an incredible woman.  I am powerful.  And even more-so now that I have GOD as captain of my ship.  The words of my mouth need to be continually focused on Him, on His Glory and Honor and directing me towards my ultimate goal – eternity with Him.  I shouldn’t be classified as a hypocrite.

Yeah, she says she is a Christian, goes to church and she talks like that?  She reacts like that?  She engages like that?  She thinks she can talk to me like that?  She exploded at that guy, I saw her.

Na.  I’d rather take control and remember who I am.  I am a child of God, continually learning, continuously growing, and remaining open to His Will.

Dear Lord, I love you with all I have.  Thank you for guiding me to this awesome blog, this avenue of communication that reaches so many people.  I pray that my thoughts and my situations in life are be able to touch others that suffer from similar things I do.  I pray for them too.  I pray that they desire the same forgiveness and the same focus that I strive for.

Thank you for sending us your Son that allowed us a direct connection to you and to eternal life.  Thank you for another day here with my family and another chance to make a positive impact on others.  Thank you for our health and for our love.  Please keep us all safe from ourselves, from others and from sin.  I love you dear Lord, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

stack of love wooden blocks
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com
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