1 Corinthians 13:4-5
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Angry power
sits inside
if they are scared
then I abide
at the top
the frightening role
people scared
I take a tole
I steal their safe
thief away
comfort, joy
and simply play…
A vocal bully
that didn’t grow up
just grew louder
a bigger cup
bigger pants
for mean to fill
angry me
this only will
push away
become my norm
fear inside
is a continual storm
it rages here
inside my heart
and it explodes
with a scary start
if I don’t sit
on this throne here
I get walked on
and so I fear.
Fear will thrive
inside this sick
rage and storms
the devil’s wick
He lights it fast
the rush I feel
addiction to
the power I steal
yet, it’s not power
it’s happy and safe
that’s what angry
can easily erase
I walk around
stealing trust
robbing others
of what I must
to stay on top
for ego’s toy
my anger is
a scary kill-joy
Make the day
of those I know
become so blue
man, what a blow.
I need to change
my attitude
shut my mouth
stop all the rude
learn to speak
in a powerful way
yet, not get angry
and let mad say
hurtful words
and angry blasts
These aren’t as strong
as words that last
make people think
about themselves
not pointing fingers
and causing swells
smart words spoken
with Godly intent
erase the angry
diffuse the vent
I’ll focus on smart
and intelligent speak
instead of rage
that makes me weak
promises made
from an sad heart
anger gives power
to an abused part
of my past
that lives inside
talking about it
helps my stride
and lets me grow
a little bit
so I don’t continue
as a little shit.
Need I say more? I suffer with anger. I learned well from someone so close to me as I was growing up. If people are scared of me, they will respect me, right? WRONG. All people will do is learn to fear you and push you away as soon as they possibly can and you will live alone on an island of loneliness. True.
Fear is a powerful tool. It teaches you not to touch knives, not to burn your fingers on a stove, not to jump off something too high, and not to associate with angry people. Anger is very scary. It’s explosive, abusive and down-right wrong. I suffer with so much anger inside and succumb to it’s power way too often.
I shouldn’t fly off the handle at customer service on the phone after being on hold for 3 hours, 5 hang ups and repeating myself for the upteenth time. Even though I might be entitled to my anger, it doesn’t make things better, just worse. Fault is perspective and perspective is subjective. It is not okay to assume that you are right at all times, that is Ego talking and Ego is the Worlds Greatest Liar.
It is not okay for me to think that at the age of 38 that I have life “all figured out”. That I am so wise and everyone should listen to me. I shouldn’t impose what I think is “right” on the lives and journeys of others. The path and outcome of every individual is really their own, that’s the definition of free will. I need to back off some and not be so intrusive.
Imagine stepping into a television series that has 14 seasons, you start watching at season 6. Wouldn’t you have a ton of questions? What’s going on? Who is that character? What is the background? What is the setting? Why are they saying things like that? Isn’t that a simple picture of relationships? Isn’t that a quaint picture of engaging with others.
Forming a reactive opinion when stepping into season 6, is that smart? Forgive me, but isn’t that more of a haughty and silly, subjective and intrusive thought and reaction? Shouldn’t we be more careful when we react and allow emotion to take over? Maybe we need to ask questions, try to see more of the full picture. Allow people to give information before we fly off the handle.
We have no idea what happened in their previous 6 seasons. We only have our perspective on the current view. A tiny clip of their full movie. I am going to remember to be careful and tread lightly when pointing fingers, getting angry and exploding without all the information.
I find it so interesting how questions can diffuse a situation. Anger craves control. Control is best achieved with solid information. Allowing your audience to give you information through calculated questioning is a great way to achieve a healthy conclusion.
It’s tough to be a mom of two children, patience is something that I wish I had more of. Sometimes when the munchkins are on my last nerve, I explode in a rage. I yell and I feel frustration. I remember how unnerved I felt as a child when I would get yelled at. The world is not out to get me anymore. I am safe.
I feel so much more in control and safe when I ask the kids questions. Diffuse their crazy with some diversions, great questions and allow them to see the same thing that I am seeing OR, they help me see something I didn’t see!!!!! right?!
Back to the issue of Me. Sometimes I feel unsafe, and that is where my anger comes from. Yet, every single time, being angry about it did NOTHING for me or for others, it just made things worse.
I need to focus on intelligent talk, words that make a change, make an impact, instead of words that steal safety. Safety is the only thing I desire in my life. The ONLY THING. I repeat it over and over to my children.
If they are scared or hurt, this is what I say – “You are safe, you are okay, I am right here. I am not leaving you. You are safe. I love you.”
If they attempt something dangerous or hurt someone – “What is my most important job? Keeping you safe. We are a team and I can’t keep you safe if you won’t work with me. I need your help. Will you help me keep you safe?”
It is not okay for me to perpetuate the problems imposed on me by others. I am way too smart for that. I need to focus on reading the situation, formulating solutions and implementing my strategies. I have always been excellent at that. Power comes from controlling in an intelligent manner. I want to focus on asking questions, allowing the person that is disrupting my joy to come to the conclusions that I are already aware of and achieving it all in a very calm manner.
Power comes from overcoming obstacles in life with a calculated and controlled mind. A chaotic and angry stance is clouded, brash, and unintelligent. Words spoken from Ego are stupid and irrational. Adrenaline is a chemical that is meant for explosive rescue power. Picture Hulk. Do you think he sounds intelligent? Now I am going to apply the words of Hulk upon me when I am angry. I look like a foolish, green, scary monster. Those I engage with as “The Hulk” shake their heads, feel fear and walk away. Then, I lose respect, and become just another irrational person in their dirty-laundry list of life.
Yet, I am not The Hulk. I am an incredible woman. I am powerful. And even more-so now that I have GOD as captain of my ship. The words of my mouth need to be continually focused on Him, on His Glory and Honor and directing me towards my ultimate goal – eternity with Him. I shouldn’t be classified as a hypocrite.
Yeah, she says she is a Christian, goes to church and she talks like that? She reacts like that? She engages like that? She thinks she can talk to me like that? She exploded at that guy, I saw her.
Na. I’d rather take control and remember who I am. I am a child of God, continually learning, continuously growing, and remaining open to His Will.
Dear Lord, I love you with all I have. Thank you for guiding me to this awesome blog, this avenue of communication that reaches so many people. I pray that my thoughts and my situations in life are be able to touch others that suffer from similar things I do. I pray for them too. I pray that they desire the same forgiveness and the same focus that I strive for.
Thank you for sending us your Son that allowed us a direct connection to you and to eternal life. Thank you for another day here with my family and another chance to make a positive impact on others. Thank you for our health and for our love. Please keep us all safe from ourselves, from others and from sin. I love you dear Lord, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
