Drunk upon

what happened then

spewing words

hurt again

can’t stop talking

about the past

adrenaline lives

killing fast

robs your now

of happiness

replaces joy

with crappiness.

 

Bringing down

those you trap

conversations

yip and yap

 

People dread

when you call

knowing that

you will haul

them down into

that moat of sad

the past it haunts

and makes you mad

 

So you bring

others along

misery absorbs

so more belong

trapped within

your web of pain

but they escape

fear your drain.

 

Where the crowd

used to stand

you’re alone

lonely land.

 

Pushing away

bit by bit

sinking down

into your pit

clawing at

anything

No one’s there

painful sting.

 

Watch your mouth

your attitude

keep others safe

the magnitude

of the words

your adrenaline speaks

can break you down

make you weak

 

Cling to things

that you control

prayer, it makes

you feel your soul

and you can heal

the words you say

and you can stop

the memory’s way

of feeding you

your sick addiction

adrenaline

and all it’s minions

 

Keep the past

in God’s sweet hands

prayer can make

powerful commands

 

Keep the Devil

away from you

Stand back dude

God’s great shoe

will kick Him far

and you will be

safe again

a stronger she

 

Say sweet words

aware of you

Save your friends

with all you do

talk about

things that matter

don’t knock em’ down

with sinful chatter

 

Be sweet

Speak kind

Love others

Focused mind

all upon

God above

Practice your

Christian love.

---

 

When I was growing up I remember my mom dreading phone calls from her sisters.  They were so absorbed with their past and pain and they would trap her on the phone for hours and just drain her of all joy.  She would walk around with the weight of the world on her shoulders for hours after the phone call.  We would all dread the calls from them.  Their relationship was always strained.  It was really sad to see.

Well, ya know what they say about monkey see, monkey do?

I was talking to my sister the other day and I found myself doing the exact same thing.  Except I was the horrible negative sister drudging up all the pain of our past. I was talking about stuff that had nothing to do with anything in the present.  Just stupid entitled pain stuff that I adrenaline rushed out of my mouth and inflicted on her.  ENTITLED TO MY PAIN, ENTITLED TO MY PAIN, BLAH BLAH BLAH….

Wow.  45 minutes passed and God said ENOUGH!  What are you doing?!?!?  He slapped me side of my head and said, “wake up, you fool”.

I saw myself and it made me sick.  I was toxic.  I was draining the life out of my sister, making her live in the past with me and tearing other people down with me.

again, I saw what I was doing.  I made myself sick.

Don’t you think that when you talk about other people in a negative way, that somehow they can feel it?  Our spirits are so connected.  I truly believe it, and I really want to be aware of the power of my feelings and my words. Both KIND and NEGATIVE.

What I discovered was super important.  Any recovery program states that admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery.  I realized what I was doing, who I was emulating and almost vomited.  I told my sister I was sorry and that I would never do it again.  She laughed at me and lightened the mood.  However, I didn’t take it so lightly.  I need to overcome, be better, be a light for my Savior and draw people closer to HIM, not down a dark path of destruction!

Adrenaline is such a powerfully destructive drug.  So addictive.  We are so entitled when we are under its grasp.  Be aware of adrenaline, be prepared for it, identify it and soothe it with prayer.  God is there and wants us to cling to HIM.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

So, in conclusion, I have made the first step.  I think it’s a powerful step towards forgiveness too.  A path I am still immensely confused about.  If any of you have information on forgiveness, I’d love to hear from you.

Until the next, God bless you.  Thanks for following along the Simply My Swank journey of Christian Rhymes and sharing the love of God.  Please share, let’s let God’s light shine and healing and happiness replace the power of fear and shame.

God is good, all the time.