Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle;

be patient,

bearing with one another in love.

new learning

new days

new mindset

new ways

new eyes

kinda blurry

new speak

kinda slurry

looking through

a type of glass

that teaches me

that this will pass

take from life

what you can

and stop being stubborn

be a fan

change my vision

of what I’m in

to improve

what has been

minute details

are the best

to apply

not to detest

maybe I didn’t

get the answer I seek

but I can get something

with eyes that are meek

not judging everyone

in the room

take what I can

from the crumbs in the broom

seek

and you will find

the little diamonds

are in your mind

planted there

if you set

relax your mind

shoulders let

go of

insecurity

that says you’re not

better than me

I can’t learn

a single thing

this is silly

I need to bring

a humble heart

a learning mind

a new direction

so I find

that everywhere

I am, I learn

I improve

I only yearn

to be the one

that takes away

more than what

I had that day

when I woke up

This different way.

Humility

come and rest

in my life

I’d be blessed

to have so much

more of you

instead of me

and what I do.

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Do you ever feel like you are just the best.  The very best in the room full of people figuring it out.  Like, I got this.  All these other people don’t.  I made it.  All those other people didn’t make it yet.  I am better.

I felt that way a time or two, I’ll be honest.  It’s humbling to look back on my life and wish I had been more humble.  haha.

But, there have also been times when I approached learning opportunities with complete openness and took away tools that increased the level of my success.  For instance, I approached a coaching course with a very excited and open mind and walked away with tools that made my income double!  I listened to all the words, found the tools I was missing in my own habits and adapted them to work for me.

At times, the things we learn are not exactly catered to our lives.  Learning is adapting and making situations work for us.  If you listen with an open and creative mind, you can find that you will learn from every situation you are in.  You can learn what to do, and what NOT to do.

When I go to church I think about what I want to hear, and who I want to hear it from and feel disappointed when I find out it’s not what I “knew” I needed.  100% of the time I am wrong.  That’s when God sits me down like a little child and tells me, “no”.  Everything I thought I knew about what I needed to learn goes out the window.  He peals back layers of my life in a way that I had no idea I needed to peal.  I still haven’t learned to not judge church.  I am still a stubborn child.

I want to be less stubborn, and more open.  I want to be less angry at myself for failing and more open to achievement.  Congratulating myself for being faithful to going to church – I am there!  I rarely miss a sermon.  This is way more than my former self used to achieve.  I am listening with a hunger that devours each word.  I want to learn more about being a Christian, more about the Bible, even though my stubborn mind tells me silly lies before the sermon starts.

That goes for my daily life with Jesus too.  I want to be more submissive to the Holy Spirit within me.  I want to let go of my former self, the stubborn Katie inside and let HIM take over more often.  To let go of my sinful ways, and be more humble to HIS guidance and the guidance of my fellow Christian friends.  I want to pray instead of want.

Dear Lord, you know I have been struggling a lot with stubborn me.  I’d like to replace that girl with humble me.  I want to live a life that lets go of control and lets you guide more.  You see with clear vision, I feel like everything is so blurry.  You see all time, past, present and future, I don’t know what I see.  

You know what is best for me and I want to actively give you the moments where you can do better than me.  I want to give more of me to you.  To let you have more of my time.  Without time, we can’t master, and I want to be more of a submissive follower of you.  That is funny isn’t it, dear Lord, in order to be better with you I need to be less of me.  That is the essence of humility.

I love you so much and I want you to be proud of me.  I am so thankful to be your daughter.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  I am sorry for being so stubborn.  I am sorry for drifting. Thank you for bringing me back and reminding me that there is always a restart when we ask for forgiveness.  Thank you for my new life in you.  Please help me grow stronger every day.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.