What Goes Up – Must Come Down – REPAIR but not REPENT.

Newton’s law – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  So True!  So true that it is a written scientific law – not a social mandate.

This journey we have been on – GLOBALLY – not in my hometown, not in my house, throughout the entire world – is shocking.  Life has changed so much.

The mandates and rules are numerous and the conversations surrounding them are all around.  I took my cox cable box and returned it last week.  I can’t handle all the commercials, new reports and silliness.  People attacking other people, telling on others like little children and the breaking of homes, neighborhoods and communities all because of fear.  I am done with it.

Do you know what I love?  I love that I can control me.  I love that I have decided to just concentrate on what my little family can do within these 4 walls that the Lord has blessed us with.  We can decide to trust in the Lord with our WHOLE hearts, and not try to understand the working of His Great Hand.  We will Glorify His Name and trust that He will guide us where we need to go and where we need to be.

I also love our amazing church with exciting, bold, encouraging, strengthening and loving messages, sent right from God.  Pastor John preaches to us with divine inspiration and with messages that the Holy Spirit uses to press us on deeper in our faith.  I feel so full when I leave church, ready to take on another day in the life of me.

The best part of my now is watching the result of God’s work in so many people.  So many people that I have been praying for desperately – people in my immediate family that were on the fence about Jesus and a new life in Him are now walking with Him closer than ever before.  God makes diamonds from the dust.


I listened to this sermon by Pastor John Randall.  It really impacted me.  I heard and devoured the part where he talked about the Israelites trying to just rebuild the stuff that God had taken away from them.  Like little children, not getting the lesson from the punishment, they just said, well, we will just plant cedar trees after God had taken away the sycamores.  And we will rebuild the temples after God has destroyed them.

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This stood out to me because, in my anger, that is what I was trying to do.  I was desperately trying to REBUILD my life in a broken world and all I was doing was spinning around helpless.  I was shooting darts in a dark room.  How dare I try to rebuild what God had taken down.  I was trying to do it all on my own.  All this time, I had no idea I had to REPENT.

Before quarantine I was consumed with all the activities that we were a part of, I was run ragged.  My days were too full, raising these two athletes and caring for the household.  I had no “spare time” for Jesus.  I didn’t open my Bible, pray or do any devotions.

Now, I make time for Him on a daily basis.  Praise God.

My point is, I didn’t see that.  My life was so busy and so full, so exhausting and so distracting that I didn’t see my life flashing before my eyes without a relationship with Jesus.  I left Him behind in the dust.  He was the one who brought this whole family into existence and I decided to leave Him in the last chapter of my book.

YET, He said, “NO.”

For some reason, and that reason is GRACE, He continually calls after me.  He continually brings me to my knees so that the only place I can go is back to Him.  It took a frustratingly long 4 months of really angry silence to find the answer.  I am ashamed that it took that long and with so much silly retaliation – for me to find myself here, finally repenting.  I was lashing out at everyone and everything because my life chaos had turned into a quiet life with just me, and I didn’t like just me at all.

I missed hobnobbing with the other moms, basking in the joy of how athletic my kids were, being seen in society, showing off the latest and greatest, shame on me.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with children being successful, active and healthy.  What was wrong was MY focus, that I didn’t have any time for quiet – for craving time with Jesus.  I just thrust myself into the next activity and then tossed myself in bed at the end of the day.

The funny thing about the bed part was that I could never sleep.  I was run ragged, exhausted mentally and physically, but my mind would race at night and keep me awake.  I was never ready for sleep.  I still had so much going on in my head.  I was tormented.  Still I didn’t see the solution, even though I was tormented and I would say desperate prayers to Jesus about needing rest and I was never blessed with it.  That desperate plea of NEEDING, but not GIVING.  Please repair me Jesus, but I was not repenting.

In the last 4 months of being FORCED to stay home.  Forced out of my exhausting routines, I have developed a craving for Jesus, a craving to know more, to love more and to share more of Him.  I listen to previous sermons on my Calvary Church app, it is bonkers that Pastor John has preached on the ENTIRE Bible.  I watch The Bible Project videos and movie so that I can learn more about Jesus and God’s teachings.


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Click to watch


Yes, this life is different.  I miss some things about the past.  Yet, the new life I have now with God is way better.  This is a new chapter.  I have learned to love it.

Because I opened my mind up to craving Jesus, my answer was found.  I am not going to rebuild, I am going to repent.

Dear Lord, please forgive me for trying to rebuild for so long when you were breaking things to draw me closer.  Please forgive me for being so angry and resentful at the changes that were happening and not seeing YOUR WAY in all things.  Please forgive me for living life without you for so long.  Thank you for this new life I have with you.  Thank you for not giving up on me, EVER.  Thank you for time spent with you.  I love you so much.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Yes, it took a long time to get me here, but now that I am here, in a life healed by repentance, I encourage you to do the same.  It’s liberating, healing and so fulfilling to just let go, and let GOD.  It’s way better to let the Lord work His way instead of trying to make the world revolve around the way I want it to.  Man, I am so glad it doesn’t!

God bless us as we journey through life as sinful humans.  Thank you for seeking us when we are lost, You are a Great Shephard.  Please help us to resent sinful ways and cling to YOU more.  I love you so much and I can’t say that enough.

I will leave you with this statement of hope.

Living without fear is the best life we can live.

Let Go, & Let God.

Don’t be scared of sickness, only God knows your days and only He can say how many you get to be here on Earth.  Try living in Joy, Hope and Happiness – shine for Him.  Don’t let the fear of “what if” get you down.

Only God knows your days, Praise His Holy Name!

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