I am trying so hard, squinting to see

through this daunting pinhole in front of me

I want to see more,

and know what’s in store

Will knowing make things just like before?

and do I want to live in what was the past?

or can I have faith and let come to pass

Trusting in you, to always take care

no matter what happens, this is my prayer.

Through all of the ups and all of the downs

His love endures and is so profound

and He sees a picture that is greater than I

No matter how I desperately try

to see with eyes that are greater than Him

He makes my perception so perfectly dim.

What He wants more, than anything at all

I must remember to faithfully fall

on my knees when the Lord comes to call

no matter what, how big or how small

or what I think is best for me

I need to always say humbly,

My Father your will, and not mine be done

only You see the end, of this path I’ve begun.

Wherever the end, of that path I will take

It will lead me to You, and forever I’ll make

a choice to live, in my new Christian way

look to You, in all things and just pray.

And as this path, of uncertainty starts

each step I take, please make a mark

I pray your peace will touch those I surround

as I push through my fear, so strong and profound

The way I approach this less chosen way

is truly a peek at my outcome, I say.

Let this be an example for some left drifting

alone in their boats, give them anchors for lifting

not dragging them down, but holding them up

Life’s not an empty, but a half-full cup!

Let me be brave, and let me be sweet

and help me to stand on my own two feet

and praise you through this familiar fear

To GOD be the GLORY, that’s all that I hear.

When you are lost and scared and feel half gone

Please remember that nothing is so wrong

the puzzle we see is already done

It’s put together before we’ve even begun!

Comfort is felt in trusting – You know.

Faith is revealed in knowing – You’ll show

that you love me Lord, even though I can’t see

believing with confidence, that you see me

and what I hope for, will be heard

but You always have the perfect, final word.

Just as my children see only the now

You know our hearts, and will only allow

the big picture to be, what becomes of us

cause You love us so, and want us to trust.

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Hebrews 11:1

Faith in Action

11 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Yup, that’s it.  Just have faith.  When the answers are not there, and when life turns out pretty scary, uncertain, foggy and I crave answers.  I just need to trust in You.

I am seeing a tumor specialist on Monday at 3:50.  Apparently the knee pain is more than just some residual arthritis pain associated with my surgery from 17 years ago.  Now I have to get this spot checked out.  I am in a new country, with new doctors and two babies that rely on me.  I have to allow a new face, with new ideas and different culture to look at me and say: this is what we are going to do.  Please pray for my new doctor.  Please pray for God to take control.

Scripps Torrey Pines apparently has the best orthopedic surgeons in the country.  That’s pretty awesome.

I have to allow the future to be what it is.  Cause there are no other options.  The kids are going to see me be brave.  They are going to see how God’s champion deals with scary, with stress and with pain.  I will push through because I will do anything for those two babies.

I am going to see the results of my CT scan on Monday too.  The radiologist that did my scan took my hand and said, “good luck”.  When I heard the news I cried.  I couldn’t help myself, I felt like I was 19 all over again, hearing the news for the first time.  When we were in the elevator an older lady was there with us, I was super emotional, I couldn’t help it.  She gently said, “you are okay, God is here, He is with you, God is with you, bless you child.”

There are angels here on Earth.  They are real.  They are here when we need them most.  They come in all forms, and provide so much comfort.  Thank you God for sending us angels.  Thank you for reminding me that you are here.  Thank you for fear, because it reminds me to fall on you, that I am not alone and that you will calm the fear.  Thank you for loving me, for blessing me with faith.  I will ALWAYS love you.  I am a child of the ONE TRUE KING!

I watched this movie yesterday with the kids.  It was really good.  It reminded me that angels are all around, and they can reveal themselves in a special way.  You should take time to watch it.  It’s a really great family movie.