Psalm 30:2

Lord my God, I called to you for help,
    and you healed me.

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I don’t know how

to do it best

I Simply try

give God the rest.

some days come

and I just shrug

man, a doozy

downward tug

snowball effect

every attempt

days like that

feel contempt

 

I’d rather sit

in my bed

covers over

my spinning head

mom’s don’t get

that luxury

we keep spinning

gotta be

always on

always ready

always willing

always steady

 

yet, nope not me

I stumble

I fall

I trip

I bruise

I crumble

my wall

 

This Humpty Dumpty

stupid day

goes down in history

like they say

 

this downward fall

that stupid crack

inside my head

“you Simply lack”

all the skills

to be the best

you’re not like them

not like the rest

THEY figured out

how to be

Golden eggs

that’s not me…

 

how silly minds

tell those lies

“you’re not perfect,

like other guys”

 

TRUTH

no. one. is.

sinful mind

lies like those

satan’s kind

no perfect one

on this earth

only Jesus

Heaven’s worth

 

so, everyone has

days like this

comfort comes

panic dismiss

 

no girl here

big or small

rich or poor

short or tall

has ever done

this job well

God’s sweet Grace

lives to tell

 

keep on going

through the muck

days like this

give you what

you need to get

through another day

flexing muscles

the soldiers sway

back and forth

goes the path

building character

careful math

balancing out

your daily life

that’s what days

full of strife

teach us all

to lean on HIM

or your left

down and dim

 

So I won’t wallow

on that day

I’ll chalk it up

to sin and say

NOT HERE

NOT US

NOT EVER

WE TRUST

God is here

Today is HIS

I will trust

focus bliss

 

submit to Him

my whole life

give to God

all my strife

Say I’m yours

no matter what

I am sorry

I won’t give up

I will fight

like you command

that was hard

but you understand

the book of life

is waiting ready

when I’m feeling

so unsteady

 

some might say

there’s no right way

yet, I dismiss

and fully say

the Bible’s there

with rules so clear

just be ready

to graciously hear

things you need

when you are broke

humble servant

ready to soak

up the lesson

there’s always one

don’t let yourself

come undone

shoulders back

on to the next

sturdy stance

passed that test

 

so the days

that make me fall

Please put me back

up on that wall

and fill the hole

that once was there

that’s this mom’s

forgiveness prayer.

 

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There are some days that I just hang my head and focus with all I have on all the things I did wrong & that I wish I had done that better.  I wish I could know the right way to handle things.  I wish I knew how to be the best person, the best mom, the best wife, the best friend, the best sister, the best daughter.

I wish I just could be that.  All of my flaws float to the surface.  I see them all at the same time and it’s so overwhelming.  Like I’m sitting in the bathtub of my life and all my issues float up like those annoying toys that just won’t sink.  Bobbing around as I try to smash them down, mocking me with their floatiness.

There are days where I feel so exposed.  No confidence, no guard, no personality, no life.  Just like a flat cartoon character that has fallen from that cliff.  I feel empty.

I don’t know how I can go through a whole day like that and not even think once to pray. How am I still so blind – after all that I have done in my Christian walk?  How can I go through 24 hours like that and still feel like I can do it on my own?  I don’t get it.

So, I am thankful once again for this blog.  It makes me realize that I need to share my life in a real way.  Expose the insecurities, the falls, the daily experiences so that I can remember to fall on my knees and submit myself to God.  I can’t do life without HIM.  He is the answer to days like that.  Who else would have the glue to fix a Humpty Dumpty day?

Only God.  He is the comfort and strength that I need to get through the toughest day.  Only He provides the answers.

When I have an empty bucket day, I start attacking.  Like an innocent adolescent child.  But I’m not a child, I am a grown woman.  I have these expectations that I MUST live up to.  I can’t fail, I can’t do things wrong, I can’t make wrong decisions, I can’t let others down, I can’t.

And that’s the simple answer.  I CAN’T.  I can’t do life without my Savior.

So thank you God, for days like that.  I am on my knees, right where I know I need to be.  This is me.  I am broken.  Please heal me.  I love you with my whole heart.  Please help today be a better day.  I trust you, I want you and I need you.